Things often seem to get worse before they get better.
We often hear this repeated, almost as if it were the gospel. The word gospel means “good news” however, and this does not seem to be “good news” to me.
Half of this equation is based upon our attitude when we find ourselves caught in some miry morass. It’s the old adage that talks about glasses being half empty and half full, eyes of beholders and so on.
We always have the ability to choose how we react to adversity and uncomfortable situations. Only when we choose to allow our fears, pride and prejudices to become stumbling blocks do we then fail and become those ugly, bitter and stressed out creatures we hate to see in others, let alone in ourselves.
The next time someone cuts you off in traffic, violating some “right” that you have claimed as your own, dare to look at yourself in the rearview mirror as you go on with your tirade. You’ll quickly find yourself feeling sheepish and unable to look in that mirror any longer.
This is a simple illustration. It is a metaphor for a larger and more sinister problem in our lives. Offense. When we choose to own offense, allowing ourselves to become offended (for whatever reason), we open the door to a plethora of negative emotions.
In the forefront of this emotional gruel are anger and insecurity. Anger generally appears first.
It rears its ugly head and we then react instead of taking the time to choose our logical and adult course of action. In choosing to react instead of taking the time to act, we begin a course and downward spiral of unhealthy behaviors.
It is well known that anger and stress cause us real physical harm. High blood pressure, headaches, ulcers and panic attacks are a few (among many) of the things we subject our bodies to simply by owning offense.
Then we must consider the impact that this offense and the subsequent emotions and behaviors have on our relationships with the people who are significant in our lives. As for myself, I have found it most difficult to be kind, considerate, patient and loving toward my wife when I am in the midst of a stressful, and worse yet, angry situation. She does not deserve this. Nor do I, from her.
There are situations where a righteous anger is justified. The abuse of a child is an example of this. Sometimes we must deal with difficult, greedy and immoral people in the course of our day. Even in these situations, we must search for resolution in a timely fashion. It is said that one should not let the sun go down on their anger or that you should not go to bed angry.
Understanding that we have no control over the actions of others, we can plan our own actions, business and decisions in a fashion that does not include these rogue factors. For our own sanity, health and contentment (and for those we love), we must choose to separate the wheat from the chaff in our lives, discarding the garbage.
Each day can be a challenge, but it is necessary to find a way to deal with this. It really starts with little steps. You can choose to not react the next time you are cut off in traffic, or you can choose to let the guy in (magnanimously), who “cheated” to get in front of the line. It may not seem “fair” (according to your gut reaction), but you must remember that it isn’t about “fair” or “teaching him a lesson”. It’s about you. It’s about you choosing to not be offended, to act graciously instead of owning offense, anger, fear and insecurity.
I promise you that you will be able to look in the rearview mirror and not feel foolish or sheepish when you act instead of reacting, knowing you did the right thing. Not so much for the other guy but for you, your health and most importantly, for those you love.
One last point: Anger, anxiety and insecurity almost exclusively have a root cause based in fear. If we get beyond taking offense and still yet anger plagues us, we must look further and find the fear causing it. Once light is shone on to a dark place, the darkness can no longer exist. They share no quarter. Bringing fear and darkness into the light of day takes its power away.
Don’t allow pride or insecurities to block you living the full, healthy and content life you were meant to have. Don’t allow it to steal, kill and destroy your relationships and everything pure, lovely, admirable, true and noble, those things to which you should cling dearly.
Ed Yaekle
