Another Issue of the Heart

Strange days, indeed. Most peculiar, mama.

Yes, those are words from a John Lennon song (Nobody Told Me). Not one of my favorite people from a philosophical standpoint. However, those lyrics keep ringing in my head, today.

As you may recall, I recently had some heart troubles which required a procedure called an "ablation" ( http://www.ieee-virtual-museum.org/collection/event.php?id=3456995&lid=1 ). The doctors attempted to short circuit some misfiring circuits in my heart.

Well, they couldn't reach all of the misfires. Some were outside the heart, some in the upper chamber and right side, while they concentrated on the left ventricle. It was the "likely", from whence came the problems. Likely, but not all inclusive.

Since the ablation a few months ago (April, I think), there has been a significant worsening of my symptoms. Runaway VT (crazy, fluttering heartbeats), nausea, tiredness and more.

Finally, today, I got to see the cardiologist at the Minneapolis VA. He said my condition was rare but real. That they'd have to ablate (again) but from an outside angle, entering from a hole they make in my chest while I am under general anesthesia. For the latter, I am grateful! Being awake through the first ablation was torture!

Not only that, but they have to fly a specialist into Minneapolis from Los Angeles. They last time they did this kind of procedure was a year ago and they needed this surgeon then, too.

Well, it wasn't like I didn't expect or wasn't ready for this. I knew there were problems and they were increasing.

Here's something: I used to be an addict to narcotics, and doctors really didn't serve me well through all of that. I can't blame them 100% and I won't, but I have little faith in their capabilities (from past experience) and know firsthand how easily many of them can be "fooled" by a determined patient. Not that I want to do that, no. It just undermines my confidence in the medical profession.

This makes me uneasy to trust them and I find myself looking for reasons to avoid appointments, procedures and any contact beyond superficial with them.

First I'd like to ask you to pray for me. I'll need it.

Second I want to express my thankfulness and gratefulness that I have Stacey in my life. Without her, I would likely ignore this condition until (sooner than later, I fear) it killed me. I can become obstinate in making and keeping these appointments. Just today, when the doctor was an hour and 15 minutes late (and I had other things to do), I was ready to throw in the towel and go. If she hadn't been there supporting me, I would have left. Without doubt.

Many thanks to God for putting her in my life and path. Without her, I doubt whether I would have even known what was killing me and quite possibly already be in the grave. There are so many things that I want the chance to help with in life. I need to mend bridges I burned in addiction. I need to be a father, step father and husband; a brother, son and grandson; a friend. There are so many (now selfless) reasons to be here.

It reminds me of another song, this on by Jim Croce that says, "There never seems to be enough time, to do the things you want to do once you find them" (Time In A Bottle). Well, I have had a lot of them (the things I want to do) in my life for a long time and some of them are new but only now am I "finding" them. Knowing where my assurance lays is a great and wonderful gift. But knowing that I have to much to give back to so many (and much to a select few) finally, it is even more important.

Other things give me hope, too. I don't wish to put anyone on the spot or in the spotlight so I will be general. If they read this, they will know who they are: A simple kindness, word or contact from someone who has every right to hate me. The concern of a friend. Seeing the world from the eyes of a child, in wild wonder once again.

I thank God for each of these and more, too.

Thanks for listening.

Ed

A resource for families affected by addiction

Well, I am launching a website to help out people affected by addiction (especially those affected by opiate and all IV drug use). If you get the chance, stop by.

Here's the address: http://stopheroin.net/

It's purpose and mission is self-explanatory once you start looking around. There are videos, testimony, forums and links to help, inspiration and information. This is a new site so there is not a lot of traffic, yet. Of course I am not selling anything, I just want to let others in pain and addiction know that there is hope.

It is also my purpose to be a resource for the families of those addicted. "Real Information, Real Hope" is the sites motto, and it comes from real sources. I know many of you have powerful and moving testimonies and you'd be a wonderful resource for these people. Feel free to share and also forward the address to anyone whom you think it could help.

It's amazing, this chance I have to live past my addiction; That I may turn, reach back and help others. We are all spokes in the wheel of each others lives. Only when we interact do we find it possible to move forward. Alone, the wheel cannot turn.

Thank you.

Ed Yaekle
e.yaekle@yahoo.com

A Heart Issue (literally)

Friday, March 28, 2008
7:39 PM - My Recent Hospital Stay

Ok, I have been having a heart problem for the past year or two. As of recent, it has become more pronounced and problematic. Here is what the doctors say is going on:

I have experienced some ventricular tachycardia (rapid, runaway heartbeats).

Here’s the medical definition:

Definition of Ventricular tachycardia

Ventricular tachycardia: An abnormally rapid heart rhythm that originates from a ventricle, one of the lower chambers of the heart. Although the beat is regular, ventricular tachycardia is life-threatening because it can lead to a dreaded condition, ventricular fibrillation.

In ventricular fibrillation, the ventricles beat rapidly in a chaotic, purposeless fashion. The heart cannot pump blood effectively to the body. If untreated, ventricular fibrillation can be fatal within minutes, or even seconds. An estimated 250,000 Americans die in this way each year.

Ventricular tachycardia is most commonly associated with heart attacks or scarring of the heart muscle from a previous heart attack.

Anytime that I exert myself and my heart rate would start to rise naturally, it suddenly goes into a fast and irregular beat pattern. This creates several problems.

First and probably most insignificant, a heart rate that spikes and flutters up to 180 beats per minute (as in my stress test) is most discomforting. My heart feels like it is going to jump out of my chest and sometimes I get dizzy and nauseated. I sweat abnormally, am winded rapidly and then become tired (not sleepy, but fatigued). This does not happen to me exclusively when I am exerting myself. Sometimes I can be doing nothing or even singing and it starts. It has even awakened me at night.

For whatever reason (the doctors are not sure why, but it is not uncommon and there is evidence that my heart has arrested in the past year) my heart’s electrical system is malfunctioning and misfiring. In a normal heart, the impulse starts in the upper chamber (atrium) and travels to the lower (ventricle), which is the pumping chamber. In my case, this impulse is either stopping or taking a wrong path at some point.

This causes the irregular and fast heartbeats, followed by all the above-mentioned symptoms.

The doctors ran some other tests to eliminate all possibilities. They checked my cholesterol and the levels were remarkably low. They did an angiogram that showed all my arteries free and clear from any obstruction, working perfectly.

A heart ultrasound performed while I was still in the MN Teen Challenge program showed that my heart (at the time) was only pumping at 50% of capacity. Being in the program made taking care of this situation impossible. Completing the program and taking care of this heart problem were two goals, which worked in opposite directions from one another. Since I was adjudicated to Teen Challenge, completing the program became my short-term objective (temporally speaking).

Truly, I believed that God would see me through this until it was the right time and season for this purpose to address this health issue.

Well, starting late last summer at a Twins game with a group from MNTC where we sang the Star Spangled Banner (I was one of the four soloists!), this issue became very real and contemporary. We had to do a lot of walking and the seats we had were at the top of the stadium. When I got to the top, I felt as if my heart was going to come out of my chest. Never had it hurt this bad and I truly thought that death was very close and waiting for me that evening.

By the end of the game, it had settled down enough to get me back to MNTC and by the next day, it was better. Since then there have been more and more episodes and over the past few weeks (months) new symptoms (dizziness, sickness and fatigue) have compounded the problem.

Now that I am in a stable, controllable life (and the symptoms are worsening), I find it not only possible but also now necessary to deal with this problem responsibly.

My wife has been an enormous blessing and has helped me to do that which I did not want to do in seeking medical help. On top of that, she is there for me everyday. I could not ask for more. My daughter Lydia and son Will were also very supportive and helped me improve my outlook by caring when they had every right to turn away. Lydia has been a bastion of strength, hope and love for me for a very long time. Thanks, baby!

As I type this (you probably will not read this until after this is all done), it is Wednesday March 26th, 2008 at about 8pm. Tomorrow morning the doctors have scheduled me for an "Ablation".

This procedure is similar to an angiogram/angioplasty in that they enter the heart in a similar fashion.

Once they reach the heart, they map the electrical pathways and then they start using high frequency waves to destroy or ablate (destroy) the part of the heart’s electrical pathway that is causing this abnormal beating.

As of now, the stress test I had Monday the 24th showed my heart is pumping at 42% capacity.

The heart rate at rest is about 40-50 beats per minute (bpm) and then spikes to 180 bpm in stress or strain. It is actually beating more than 40-50 bpm (regularly), but the timing and strength of the beats is off. This also makes my legs swell.

I hope that this surgery will eliminate this problem. I have been to Doug Stanton’s revival (DSMI) a few times before coming to the hospital and many friends are praying for me.

I believe this will be fine and I will even feel better than I have for years, so I am excited and actually looking forward to this getting behind me. I want to be the positive thinking, motivated and productive man God made me to be.

UPDATE

Ok, as I type this it is Friday March 28th, 2008. The doctors performed the ablation on my heart yesterday. First, I am ok. There were no major problems with the procedure.

The irregularity, which caused my heart to v-tach in the stress test no longer, exists. They kept finding more and more irregularities, however. One by one, they "zapped" them until there were only one or two left. These remaining problems were on the outside of the heart, unlike the other ones and the operation is performed from the inside of the heart.

The doctor tried to zap these remaining problem areas from the inside, but he is not sure if it will go away. As of the end of the ablation, this irregularity remained. Nevertheless, I am still hopeful, as my heart rate has settled down in many circumstances. On top of this, the doctor has placed me on a "beta blocker" which should help to control these final irregularities. I hope to return to work, soon.

At this time, I want to explain a little about the procedure. It was very difficult. Being awake the entire time made it nearly unbearable.

Anyone who knows me (especially as I am, now), will know that I try to refrain from complaining. Negativity and complaining allowed and helped me to feel sorry for myself, which in turn eventually led me to a major addiction. I do not abide well with negative thoughts and actions, anymore. So now, I really try to see the positive when and where I can. It does not always turn out that way, but I do try.

They took me around 8 a.m. and started strapping me in. This was a very uncomfortable and narrow table (I am not a small man). Many of you will know that I have a bad back, having had a lamenectomy (disc removal) performed. I had to remain motionless (flat on my back) from 8am to 4:30pm, and then still on my back until 6pm (though I could move a little for the final hour and a half). This was screaming agony.

My right arm was also trapped in a bad position and it became very, very painful as well. Add to this the pain involved with the catheter (placed in my right groin) and the discomfort of the device burning the inside of my heart… well, my nerves were shot by the afternoon and I was ready to tell the doctor to pull the plug on this (roughly 6 hours into the thing).

Though I had been resolved to do these things without any sedation or mood altering medications from the doctor, I had to relent. They gave me something to relax me and for pain too, around noon (and it was still so bad I nearly quit and hour or two later).

Anyway, I prayed, sang and cried some. It was like torture, but eventually it was over and that was what I kept telling myself as it went on. "Just hang on, it’ll be done and a week from now, it won’t matter" is what I said to myself.

All these things made it difficult to persevere, but the "icing on the cake" belongs to two other factors.

One was at the point in the procedure when they wanted to switch the entrance site to my left groin. This may not sound like a big deal, but installing the catheter was a very painful and stressful ordeal. I have massive bruising from the initial catheter, covering my entire right groin and lap. At the point and time when they wanted to do this, I was already on the edge of nevermore. When the female doctor (the one who had already been the mean doctor) started sticking me without explaining, I said out loud that I was now freaking out and I could not take much more.

The main doctor called the shot to desist from this course of action. Thankfully!

The other factor (which really did have me at the edge of nevermore) was the Isopryl medicine they kept dripping into my IV when they wanted my heart to race. They put that in me a dozen times or more, if they did it once (which they did). Already near a frantic panic with the pain, emotional stress and other factors, this medicine gave me the physical symptoms of a panic attack and tachycardia, instantaneously. After about a dozen rounds, I was frazzled.

Compound all the other factors with the fact that they kept on finding more and more irregularities (thus making the procedure that much longer), I was "shaked and baked". Stick in the fork, I was done.

Well, having said all that, I am still optimistic that things will work out. It was rough to live through, but like I told myself, it won’t really matter (the bad things) a week from now and I hope to enjoy the benefits.

Thanks for listening.

Ed Yaekle